i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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