My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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