does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
