i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
