Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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