NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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