I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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