pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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