Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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