This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
