You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize