hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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