The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
