meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
is that a dick in a sweater?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
