so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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