Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
