Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
