I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
