if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
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