Everything about him screamed your future.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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