The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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