my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
