I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
