i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
