Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so much tequila, so little girl.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
