Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize