Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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