I feel great
I just peed on a car
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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