people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
