beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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