I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
