he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
