living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's blow job season.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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