Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Two words: blizzard sex
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
