The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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