just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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