A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
