so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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