No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
