i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
zippers are such a cool invention
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
