If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
