This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize