Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
