K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
