Pants 0. Shit 1.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
