Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
