Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
