Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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