do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
