I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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