I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
