are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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