Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
