my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
