he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
