I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
