we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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