why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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