i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
