I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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