When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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