i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
