i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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