I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Drunk is not a location!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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