So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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