Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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