i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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