Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
