ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
