what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
