I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
