They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
