my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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