so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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