Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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