Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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