I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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