By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
